I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
