If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
