I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
