four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
