Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
