do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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