my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
