I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
