I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
