Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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