I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
