Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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