I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
