well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
