my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
did you just send me my own nude
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
