Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
