I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
