god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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