Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
