Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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