Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
smell my finger.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
