i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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