Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
