What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
