I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
