Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
