how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
