you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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