I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
