So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
