I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
