i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
