im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
