I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
