I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
