he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
