Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
