never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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