dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize