Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
