My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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