I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We left the knife in your bed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
