So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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