Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
