Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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