Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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