Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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