Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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