he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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