So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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