dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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