just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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