alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
