Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
