well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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