you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
