Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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