Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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