it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love having hate sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
