I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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