I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In America we eat man semen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
