It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
