I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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