I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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