i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
