Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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