so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
