But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
