I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize