just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize