I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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