Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I supernannyed him into submission
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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