I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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