dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
