I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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