I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
