Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
