Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
