Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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