If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
