It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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