It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
