Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
